Setting

I guess this could be part of the first post (If you haven't read it yet, scroll down a bit and do so, it might clear some things up), but it isn't, so I'll just have to go on...

Those of you who know me might be asking yourselves (or me) why I am doing this. You might be afraid for me, excited for me, confused, angry, etcetera. So I think I'll do what I can to address those kinds of emotions...

- Fear: You probably are afraid for me if you come from the same background that I do. You're probably thinking 'He's going to go off searching and fall away'. - Pardon the phrase, but, fear not. I still believe that the Bible is true, I'm just searching for verification. If someone says that they believe that Vanilla ice-cream tastes good, then you would expect them to eat it, or to at least not be afraid to eat it. If you believe something to be true, then verification should be expected.
- Excitement: You are probably going through somewhat of a similar experience. You have questions about your beliefs and would be glad to have someone to question them with. - I honestly don't know how helpful I can or will be, but I for sure am willing to participate in these conversations. Just know that I will likely only pitch in when the conversation deals with where I am currently at, otherwise I'll just listen and absorb.
- Confused: You don't know what I believe and/or why I'm questioning it. You don't know what you believe. You believe something but have never questioned it. - Read along for a bit and give it a chance, maybe you'll find something interesting.
- Angry: This isn't right, why would someone do this? What on earth is this guy thinking? - I have no idea what's going on in your head. Tell me and we can talk about it.
- Etcetera: This one's really open, it's for all the reactions that I can't have guessed at. - It gets a repeat answer. I have no idea what's going on in your head. Tell me and we can talk about it.

Now as to why I'm doing this? It seems to be coming at me from several directions, and to be honest, I don't know that I can pin it all down while I'm in the middle of it (who can say what the whole earth looks like without having a view from above it?). But I will do my best to show you how it started, hopefully that will help.

I was born and raised in Denver, and at the age of 19 decided to move to Portland, Oregon. While I was in Portland I attended a large evangelical 'Community Church'. It was while I was there that I first began to feel some sort of dis-connect with 'the church', I wasn't quite sure what it was, but I knew that I sure felt more comfortable in smaller groups, legitimate communities. I didn't really pay any attention to it at the time, and forced myself to continue with what had become my standard practices (go to church, help with youth, help with media).

About two years later I moved to Florida. Life there was so crazy that I was desperate to find something that resembled my blanket (refer to post1 for the Peanuts/Linus analogy), and I forcefully plugged myself into another evangelical church. While there I found that the general environment was extremely impersonal, and soon found that the place that I really felt comfortable was among a smaller group of peers. Florida didn't last long for a number of reasons, and I soon found myself back home in Denver.

Home-bittersweet-home. When I came back to Denver, I became disillusioned almost immediately. What happened? I tried to go back to all the places that I had been, all of the large evangelical churches. I was ignoring what I had already begun to learn about myself, that I needed smaller, more intimate community, and it wasn't long before I gave up on 'going to church' entirely. But although I had given up mentally, I still made physical efforts, and it was through this that I ended up trying out a bible study with my sister and a friend.

One Tuesday night, almost exactly a year ago, the three of us ventured into the basement of a suburban household, and I entered the small community that now means everything to me. As we sat in that study, I realized that I was amongst a group of people that were truly seeking truth. I realize how cliche that must sound, but it isn't. I had found a group that was willing to say "This is where I am now, but I'm not entirely sure it's right, so I want to find out.". I was blown away.

Now I live with two of the guys from that group, and when you live with someone, you end up having conversations with them, and when you have conversations they tend to run on and on like this sentence, and you eventually (or immediately) get to the '-ies' (ideologies, philosophies, theologies and other-ies). And that's where I am right now. I've been living with these two for a few months now, and for most of it I've just been listening. Now I'm going to talk. I don't know that I really have anything solid to say yet, but I do hope that my thoughts might make more sense to me if I write them down, and that they might find some worth in your mind.